one for sorrow, two for joy

 These past few days have been ones of feeling deep gratitude and contentment for the lives that are connected to mine, in the quiet moments of layering on blankets to sit on the porch and watch the sunset dim the sky as storm clouds rolled in, walking through the farmer's market catching up on our emotional landscapes and escapades in loving others, whispering around the kitchen table when it was later then we meant to be awake, walking country lanes under a still sky- all of it feels drenched in the strong sense of belonging and being knotted into these ties that bind.

Chugging northeast, slowly toward Baltimore through the woods of Virginia I felt filled, brimming with the requited love of this valley. Each time I visit I feel like I have one less reason not to be in H-burg living in proximity to these ones who shape my life. 

Em and I were talking about measuring all that had occurred in our lives in time spans or within presidential terms-- Obama's election in 2008 (living in Uganda) till now... it is almost incomprehensible to me what 8 years has contained... homes in three countries, traveling through 16... submerged in the west coast and the east coast, my entire university experience, my first partnered relationships, women's study, Salinas and Occupy Wall St. and anti-oppression, CHIP and JCC and protests, the national guard with tanks in my cities streets, Black Lives Matter and prison work and all my incarcerated friends... humanitarian aid at the Mexican/US border... learning another language, the euphorias and despairs, depatures and returns... and the countless moments that glow "burn, burn, burn like fabulous roman candles exploding" .... wider and wider the world presses me out to the edges of myself... and each of those experiences held their particularities (the substance of all our love and good art.) 

***

...myselves ask "life, the question how do i drink dream smile 

and how do i prefer this face to another and 

why do i weep eat sleep-what does the whole intend"

 they wonder. oh and they cry "to be, being, that i am alive

 this absurd fraction in its lowest terms 

with everything cancelled

 but shadows

 -what does it all come down to? love? Love
if you like and i like,for the reason that i hate people and lean out of this window is love,love and the reason that i laugh and breathe is oh love and the reason that i do not fall into this street is love."  t.s. eliot.